Discussing money matters in the first relationship can be likened to passing through the gauntlet. On the one hand, you do not want to look like someone who does not know what money means, and on the other hand, you do not want to be starving for a week after paying for the dinner. However, whatever the case, the result is either sharing the same account or listening to how someone says in a nasty voice, “We should probably just split up.” Let us see how to manage money without turning crazy or separating.
Who pays is the first problem you should solve. Both of you are dating grad students and obviously, both of you are going through difficulties, so there is nothing wrong with sharing expenses. Do not try to seem rich if your budget screams – the other person will figure it out anyway. Being honest with money matters is much more flattering than lying about them.
Talking about money should be done as early as possible. It is not wise to wait until you both fight about the credit card statement. Ask all the necessary questions concerning student loans and plans for the future. If the date shows aggression after hearing some simple questions regarding money matter, it is not a good sign.
Plan your dates based on the budget you both can afford, not the one you cannot. There is no need to spend thousands of dollars in order to show the other person that you like him/her. You can spend some time cooking together, doing sports and visiting those museums that have free entrance.
Remember not to get yourself into the trap of “treatment” to some expensive thing just to make things easy between you two. The resentment grows quicker than the debt when you feel that you are being exploited. As soon as you see that something is wrong with the expenses, address this problem right away. A normal person will understand you and stop this behavior.
Money is simply a payment method, not an indicator of your value as a person. You will get better in discussing money problems by practicing now, and it will benefit you later. Do not lie about money, do not exploit the other person and do not watch movies together for some time.