The vast majority of guys apologize exactly as they make a deposition – focusing on the legal aspects instead of emotions. They think that the way they will be “right” will allow them to clear their names, but in fact, they only dig holes under themselves. It is an extremely fast track to losing credibility in both private and business circles.
Listen. Apologizing is an advanced leadership technique and definitely not a weakness. It is all about taking radical ownership of your impact, no matter whether it was your intention or not. It allows you to turn a potential conflict situation into the one of connection and understanding. All other details are just noise to make you feel better.
First of all, forget “but”. If you say “I am sorry, but…” you simply negate everything that you said before. This is the best example of shifting the blame and everyone understands it immediately. It means that you need to take responsibility both for your actions and their consequences.
Secondly, define exactly what did you do wrong. The apology like “I am sorry for everything” proves that you do not even bother to analyze the situation. Did you miss a deadline on Slack or interrupted people during the Zoom call? Exactly what actions did you do will show that you really care about your co-worker’s time and you paid attention to details.
Thirdly, recognize the impact that your actions had on the other person. Did your negligence lead to additional work or to your colleague looking like a fool in front of the boss? It is time to prove your empathy – the most important component of any apology. The other person should understand that you care about your impact on others and the entire team spirit.
And finally, suggest some solutions to the problem. It may be just a promise, but it is much better to present your plan to solve the problem. You can set a calendar reminder or ask people to proofread your emails. Now you move from the past to the future.
Learn to consider the apology as a tool, not as a defeat. Apologizing is a very powerful instrument that allows you to streamline your relationships and build bulletproof reputation. To be able to use this tool is what makes real men leaders.